Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
