Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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