Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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