nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
