I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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