Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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