Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
