you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
