Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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