How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
