You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
