Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
