clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
