I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The best revenge is premature balding
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
