Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I intend to get homeless drunk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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