I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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