People in love make me want to vomit
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
