wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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