There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
