She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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