i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
