No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
