how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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