I bet he comes in French.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
