the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
