Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
