i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
