Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
