I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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