You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
