He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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