I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The adults are the big ones right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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