READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
