im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Rumble strips road head = magical
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
