you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He better not be in your backpack
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
