Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
