You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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