of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
