Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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