I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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