he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
