Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
