Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
