i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i came on her dog
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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