i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
