I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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