he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
