I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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