party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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