then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
