Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
