i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sex in a hospital.. check
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
