There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
