My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
