I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
